CHUCKLES
HUMOR
I was talking with George Courtney, an old navy buddy. In the spirit of the old drunken sailor days, I said, "George, send me a piece of ass. Will ya?" Without a pause he said, "Well, if I could put it in an envelope and send it? I would." We both laughed. Then I thought after I hung up the phone. After working for the United States Postal Service for seventeen years, I can attest, there's no envelope or packaging for it...Not that it's not possible, only, that postal service management sure doesn't care about anyone's sex life that works there...let alone...its customers (Us folks that have no other competetors to use for most of our correspondence and shipping needs.) I hope you read this in Texas George. It's not far from true.
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Saturday, 9/23/06 - 4:15 pm. I'm looking forward to patronizing a local tavern in Appleton, Wisconsin...home of Lawrence University and the University of Wisconsin-Fox Valley...seeing all the young alcoholics in training.
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Wednesday, 10/11/06 - 8:37 pm. There just is something funny about this copy of a local auto body shop television commercial running in the Laurel/Hattiesburg, Mississippi area, that says,"...accidents happen often, rarely are they convenient..." Beats me when a vehicle accident is ever convenient?
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Tuesday, 9/26/06 - 12:50 pm. Upon entering the Amtrak commuter train from Milwaukee to Chi town, an onboard "volunteer station host" said to me as I was choosing my seat, "If you sit here in these seats you will see where you've been. On the other end of the car you are seeing where your going." I said, "That sounds like a psycological choice." Then I thought, I'd rather sit looking back so when someone asks, "Where are ya' comin' from?" I can tell 'em just that...
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Tuesday, 9/26/06 - 1:15 pm. Got about a 20 minute late start on the rails from Milwaukee passing the updated long time landmark the now Rockwell Automation, Allen-Bradley clock tower and General Mitchell Field enroute to Chicago Union Station.
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Tuesday, 9/26/06 - 3:17 pm. On train #2, the Texas Eagle...I no longer know where I'm comin' from...
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Wednesday, 10/18/06 - 3:34 pm. On this most recent leg of my travel an Amtrak Red Cap Service handler was lifting my largest piece of luggage onto the cart to drive me to the train when he said, "It would have been lighter if you'd purchased her a ticket and had her sit with you." Thank God there was no red liquid spots on the bag's exterior.
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Friday, 10/20/06 - 4:33 pm. I was telling a friend Susan about the Mississippi local auto body shop spot. As she looked at wrist watch she said, "Well...I guess tommorrow at 4:10 pm...I'll drive by here and have that accident. It'll be much more convienent. We laughed.
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Hunger Wanted: Need a woman who comes soley to me for "all you can eat," three or more times a day....
I used to have an Old Lady, and she wasn't old. Now I don't have an Old Lady and she is old. Isn't life strange?
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I discovered that laptop computer keyboards are similar to normal human beings. If you feed either enough beer they do strange things...and sometimes even stop working.
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During the holiday season, I was wearing my Santa Clause hat in the atrium of the Wade Park VA Hospital, when a fellow veteran who smelled of Christmas cheer said, "Got the reindeer workin' hard?" I replied to the passing comrade, "Actually my reindeer are drunk...and I'd really like to get them to work!"
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I went to "Whitey's Place" in Richfield, Ohio for a burger and beer. I asked the bartender for a draft. He then began to vocalize the list of beers available until he hit "Miller Lite", which I picked to drink and asked what sizes he had. "I got a child's portion, and a large one," he said. Decisionless, I said, "I don't know." He kind of walked away...then, I asked the other bartender, "What's the prices?" He said, "For 20 cents more, you get a large one." Well...the guy just went to the tap and poured a large one. He brought it over to me. As he sat the full, frosty glass on the bar in front of me, I commented, "I'm glad you made that decision for me. I don't have any kids here to give it to anyway." He charged me a dollar for it. Happy hour was in progress.
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So...I had this dream...grandeur and fame! Paparozzi cameras, the press, flashing lights, sparkling bracelets with police sprinkled in the crowds of people anxious to get a glimpse of me. I sprang from the bed and commenced preparation for this, my first chance at fame. I groomed and dressed myself quickly and anxiously awaited the moment I left the house into my most coveted world of fame. To my dismay, however, as I pushed out the door of the house to the outside and stepped out, the only flashing lights were red and blue. The only cameras were dashcams. The only crowd awaiting a glimpse of me were the police and swat teams. The sparkling-jeweled bracelets changed in reality to a pair of shiney handcuffs for my restraint. Not quite the 15 minutes of fame I had in mind.
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I went to meet a friend for coffee at the Arabica Coffee House on the Case Western Reserve campus, near University Circle, Ohio. You know, it seemed real odd that there was an empty, private paramedic unit parked on the tree lawn, right in front of the coffe shop. I first thought, "That's really comforting, in case anything happens to me while I'm inside, the emergency response vehicle is right there, along with the lunching paramedics. Then, I rethought that senario. "Do I really want to go in there and ingest something? Maybe those EMT's get a lot of businees out of there?
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A cute female bartender the other night came over to me, chatted and said, "It's dead in here tonight." I said, "But I'm not!"
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Just like those other famous people, I too have complaints about the paparazzi. I wish they'd show up once so I don't have to take all my own pictures.
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The only thing rated "G" I'd like to see...is a woman wearing that piece of clothing.
...I used to have an Old Lady, and she wasn't old. Now I don't have an Old Lady and she is old. Isn't life strange?
...
I discovered that laptop computer keyboards are similar to normal human beings. If you feed either enough beer they do strange things...and sometimes even stop working.
...
During the holiday season, I was wearing my Santa Clause hat in the atrium of the Wade Park VA Hospital, when a fellow veteran who smelled of Christmas cheer said, "Got the reindeer workin' hard?" I replied to the passing comrade, "Actually my reindeer are drunk...and I'd really like to get them to work!"
...
I went to "Whitey's Place" in Richfield, Ohio for a burger and beer. I asked the bartender for a draft. He then began to vocalize the list of beers available until he hit "Miller Lite", which I picked to drink and asked what sizes he had. "I got a child's portion, and a large one," he said. Decisionless, I said, "I don't know." He kind of walked away...then, I asked the other bartender, "What's the prices?" He said, "For 20 cents more, you get a large one." Well...the guy just went to the tap and poured a large one. He brought it over to me. As he sat the full, frosty glass on the bar in front of me, I commented, "I'm glad you made that decision for me. I don't have any kids here to give it to anyway." He charged me a dollar for it. Happy hour was in progress.
...
So...I had this dream...grandeur and fame! Paparozzi cameras, the press, flashing lights, sparkling bracelets with police sprinkled in the crowds of people anxious to get a glimpse of me. I sprang from the bed and commenced preparation for this, my first chance at fame. I groomed and dressed myself quickly and anxiously awaited the moment I left the house into my most coveted world of fame. To my dismay, however, as I pushed out the door of the house to the outside and stepped out, the only flashing lights were red and blue. The only cameras were dashcams. The only crowd awaiting a glimpse of me were the police and swat teams. The sparkling-jeweled bracelets changed in reality to a pair of shiney handcuffs for my restraint. Not quite the 15 minutes of fame I had in mind.
...
I went to meet a friend for coffee at the Arabica Coffee House on the Case Western Reserve campus, near University Circle, Ohio. You know, it seemed real odd that there was an empty, private paramedic unit parked on the tree lawn, right in front of the coffe shop. I first thought, "That's really comforting, in case anything happens to me while I'm inside, the emergency response vehicle is right there, along with the lunching paramedics. Then, I rethought that senario. "Do I really want to go in there and ingest something? Maybe those EMT's get a lot of businees out of there?
...
A cute female bartender the other night came over to me, chatted and said, "It's dead in here tonight." I said, "But I'm not!"
...
Just like those other famous people, I too have complaints about the paparazzi. I wish they'd show up once so I don't have to take all my own pictures.
...